he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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