Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
