ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
