So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
