Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
