I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
