I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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