Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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