I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
