I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
