My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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