Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
