When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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