I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You are the jesus of drinking
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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