I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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