We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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