Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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