we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
