2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
