Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
