The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
