You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
