Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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