I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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