We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
