is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
