i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
