I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
