So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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