I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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