apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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