something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
