Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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