my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize