I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
