Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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