Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
