Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize