: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
