Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
