carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
