Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
