Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
