So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
