If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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