I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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