I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
