So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
