Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
