Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
