So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
