you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
