Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
