mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
