Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
