you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
soo... how was my night?
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