I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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