TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
