He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
