so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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