I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
