So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
