you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
