If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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