You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
