My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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