There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
