No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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