yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i believe in u and ur pee
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
