he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
